I know I have not written on here in a few months. I would make an excuse but I really do not have one. But as of January 1, 2019, I was given a million more reasons why I should not give up on my blog and continue to chase my dreams and live my life to the absolute fullest.
January 1, 2019. A day that forever changed my life. On that morning, my boyfriend and I received a call that his little brother passed away in a tragic car accident. Hearing it on the phone, it did not seem real. I had just seen him on Christmas Eve and he was so happy and alive as ever. It all seemed like a sick joke. For the next few days after his passing, I was convinced he would walk through the front door and ask why everyone was so upset.
He was like a little brother to me. He always came to me for advice, he always told me he loved me. He was the first of my boyfriend's brothers to make me feel like family. He was only 21. No one should pass so young.
I was so angry at the world. You hear of these type of things happening to other people, but you never truly understand it until it happens to you. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, I wasn't working out. I was doing everything I did not want to do in the New Year. It wasn't until a few days after the funeral when I woke up and in my head I felt as if my boyfriend's little brother was trying to tell me that I needed to get my life back together.
He was a guy who knew how to live life to the fullest, and always pushed himself to be better. I always looked up to him and his dedication to being the best he could be. He always told his friends about me and my career, and he always tried to help me make new connections. I knew he always believed in me. In that moment I felt his presence, I knew that I had to live, and not just live, but live in honor of him. That is what he would want.
The passing of him made me realize how life can be taken from us so quickly, and to live each day like it's our last. We have to live our lives the way WE want to, NO EXCUSES. For the longest time, I would make excuses as to why I wasn't doing things for my career. "This can wait, that can wait." NO IT CAN NOT.
From that moment on, I got on my computer and began to write again. I began to create content for my blogs, followed back up with companies I was in the process of collaborating with, and began to send out my headshot and resume again. Within a day or two I booked several new campaigns and shoots. That was because I didn't back down. I didn't make an excuse. I JUST DID IT. I MADE IT HAPPEN.
I then began to take a look at my health. I started my meal preps again, began working out regularly again, and even found a fun new workout to add to my routine: cycling. He had told me Christmas Eve that one of his 2019 goals was to have his first fight. I will fight in honor of him.
I have also taken a look at my mental health. I am more aware of my sleep patterns, and going to bed earlier and waking up earlier. I wake up every morning and recite three things that I am thankful for. I began to try different hair and skin routines and now take more time to take care of my body. I listen to motivational podcasts, and LISTEN. I am more aware of my surroundings. I began to pray again. I am truly living for MYSELF.
I took my time to mourn, to be sad. But I know now I have to take that energy and I have to make a positive change in my life. At the funeral, the pastor's message was that if we don't learn and grow from this loss, we are only doing a disservice to not only ourselves, but for him. That message is something I will carry on for the rest of my life, and I will continue to live my life to the best of my ability and hope to change other's for the better in the process.
I hope to show others that the world does not stop for us. We have to stop making excuses for ourselves and JUST DO IT.
2019 is just the beginning.
I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!